Sunday, September 27, 2009

One of the firefighters

On the extreme makeover she tonight, Lane the firefighter that spoke a lot. Was the man who helped save Corbie's life.

Ironic eh!!!!

Caradie and Corbin

Tonights Extreme Makeover

The Extreme Makeover home edition with the family from our area is on right now.

I have many tears.

I have an awesome plan though> I will reveal it soon!!!!

Caradie and Corbin

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Our day together and a special thanks

I added a few silly videos from today. Corb was a goof all day and the pain patches and meds are helping my back a lot. I doubt I have ever mentioned, I'm the one with scoliosis. Corb's back is only 10% and that is not even considered scoliosis.

To fore worn you, when Corb is goofy that makes me goofy LOL Videos

I want to thank you so much Jennifer. Your phone call was just such perfect timing. I felt much more confident when I spoke with school again, too. And wow a card too, that was so awesome of you. You made me feel very special THANK YOU!!!

Thank you to all who have been so supportive, it's very helpful to know so many are still backing you.

Caradie and Corbin

Friday, September 25, 2009

Ever feel like giving up

For those of you who have the “GET OVER IT” attitudes please don't bother reading this post!!!! I ain't over it and won't be.

For those of you who care. Life is still way stressful. I'm not going to be getting into details (not even about the IEP). So besides school being difficult, my back has been hurting so badly, bad enough I went to the doctor today. MA wrote back to the therapy center again, stating that they needed more information, again!!! and it's something the lady had already sent in, again. UGH!!!! And the huge stressor our families life, is that we have always had troubles with PCWs. Sometimes we have none at all, sometimes they just don't show up and we have never had the same one for more then a couple of months at a time, for one reason or another. So I have to train in new ones over... and... over... So it's like I still have to do all the work, most of the time anyway, I might as well do it all myself.....

So I have decided to “give up” for 4 days LOL

I canceled the worker for Saturday, Sunday and Monday, Tuesday were going to be two new people anyway so I just told her to have them wait. This way Corb and I will have a 4 day weekend together. Because on Monday he has two doctor appointments in the morning and then Noah has one later in the day so Corb is just staying home from school all day anyway. (I'm taking all three, so they can get their flu shots OUCH). And Tuesday is no-school, staff development. So with these next 4 days I can gather my thoughts without interruptions. I have a lot of decisions to make in life right now and none of which are easy ones.

On the Corbie front, he's doing great. Besides his tummy issues, he had a tummy attack at school a few days ago. The nurse even called me to come get him. (sadly they got to see a bad one, by the time I got there his face was bright red, his heart was beating so hard and he was just sweating). But I'm working with the new gastrologist for that. He's been feeling better now for a few days.

Something awesome, he's reaching a lot more. We increased his pump again, he's now at 460 so he's a bit looser. We are going to be a bit more aggressive turning up the pump because his tone is almost as bad as it was before the pump so if it's not going to give him way better results soon, it was the wrong decision and I want it out. But I still have hope it was the right decision.

He's been a very good boy. He NEVER cries when I put him to bed anymore and he has been sleeping through most nights, the other day he decided 4am was time to get up though, yuck. So sleep has been a big plus ;-P

I have good and bad news for poor Corb. Monday the 5th he's getting botox injections in his legs and then she's going to serial case his ankles. He's going to be so ticked but this will be so good for his little legs, their really tight.

As for Austin, now that he's 14 years old, he can work a few hours a week so at the World Of Wheels roller skating rink, where he has been volunteering for the whole summer, wants to hire him. He's so excited. And we're very proud of him for choosing a safe place to get involved in. He also has been playing the stand up bass for all three years of middle school.

And for Noah, now that he's in middle school, he has decided to take the viola. He's so proud to be like is brother (even tho they HATE each other LOL).

I know I really never talk about the brothers but their typical older boys, off and running, I hardly see them so to be able to write about what they do is pretty tough LOL.

Our family has issues but (for the most part) my boys are great :-D They are very nice boys and I'm proud of them for dealing with “this” life as well as they have.

Thank you every who has stuck be us even in hard times.

Caradie and Corbin

Friday, September 18, 2009


I want to thank all of you who have been and are still so supportive. I'm glad there are more supporters then there are crabby people :-P

The IEP was yesterday so after I pull my self "back" together again, I will update about it.

Corb is doing and being amazing. I love listening to the therapists brag him up. He's still nervous and still has tummy issues but over all he seems to really be having fun.

Caradie and Corbin

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Proud of him

We tried out the walker today. It's been awhile since we have had a chance to use it, as it's been to sunny.

He also has been sucking a lot harder. He loves chunks of apple.

Check out dropshots

Caradie and Corbin

Why do you follow???

Everyone is welcome to their opinion, but what I don't understand is, those of you who think so negatively towards my feelings, that it makes you feel it would be ok to leave comments like that, why follow Corbin's story at all.

Dear anonymous,

The correlation is that both childhood and Corbin's accident were very traumatic and with PTSD it's hard emotionally to recover from stressful things, not to mention a bunch in a row and yeah to the "common" person a child leaving to kindergarten shouldn't be stressful but it's more stressful to me then anyone could ever imagine and I have the right to feel anyway that I do.

And to who ever you are. I do, do this all alone because you are right I don't talk about Bill helping because he don't but that's not any one's business but mine. He does what he can with what he has. Everyone copes with things differently. I have accepted that.

How I cope, is do everything I can to try to help my son get better. His way is to provide for our family.

Caradie and Corbin

Friday, September 11, 2009

What this is doing to me

People say oh he's safe at school no one will hurt him, all kids have to go to school, you need time for your self or get over it and others say they understand but how can someone else understand when I'm not sure I understand.

I know my love for Corb has always been so deep and so strong. It's just I have longed for someone to help me fix him and after 2 years of begging for therapy, he finally gets it but it's somewhere I can't be. I'm going to miss everything. He's going to learn and grow and be so amazing and I don't get to witness it. Some say well that happens with all children and moms when they start kindergarten but those children have already been able to learn the basics. The moms got to share that whole time. Corb still has to start at the beginning and for the past 4 years I have tried to get him as far as I could but darn it I'm only one person. I just wanted help with him, not for someone else to do it all. This is just so hard. I want to spend every moment with him but I can't. I just so want him to get better and I even know he will but it's just so unfair it took until now for it to happen and I don't get to be there.

It's just so unfair.

I love you baby boy.

Something else to maybe help people understand me better and not judge. I have been diagnosed with PTSD since I was young. I witnessed and received a lot of abuse when I was a child and then my baby choked to death in my arms.

I have been having may flashbacks, especially since school started. And other little things happen like I had to run to the store on Wednesday and I went to kiss my Corbie bye, like I always do before I leave and I forgot he wasn't there. I cried and cried. Thankfully Bill was here. He has been really good about this.

I'm trying really I am

Thursday, September 10, 2009


I don't think I will ever stop crying when I have to put him on the bus. It's just so hard to see your baby leave and be scared and not be able to hold his hand to tell him it's ok.

Then today Bill was at work so I didn't have anyone, but I did call him. He's being so supportive.

Darn it, this is hard.

Caradie and Corbin

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Monday, September 7, 2009

Computers UGH

A friend of mines son came over to help out with my computer. Sadly it's acting up again, so I'm not able to do much that's why I haven't been posting or doing videos and pictures :-(

Things are still hard for me, with Corb and school. Tomorrow I'm putting him on the bus, meeting him at school, staying with him for a bit, coming home and then I will go back to school and help get him back on the bus and meet him at home. I'm going to do that on Wed too. And try real hard not to go Thur at all. We will see.

Caradie and Corbin

Friday, September 4, 2009

First step

It's 12:30pm and I'm home without Corb. I'm trying, really I am.

I keep tearing up but he really likes it so that makes it a bit easier.

I'm SOOOOOOOOO proud of him. He had gym today and had a great time. They played duck duck goose and when he was the goose the gym teacher ran him around trying to catch his friend. He was smiling the whole time and not scared. He did give the yuck face when he had to touch his friends tho LOL He has a very hard time with sensory issues.

Man do I love him.

Caradie and Corbin

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Writing things down

I have two pages full of notes just from today lol.

Please no one worry about being blunt or anything else because you can't tell me more then I have told myself, it's just really hard when it's a kiddo like Corb. Mom's of "normal" kids have a hard time letting go, imagine a mom that's child died in her arms and then haven't left his side since.

Everyone says you deserve time for yourself, really honestly that's not what I want for myself, never have but I know Corb needs to be in school. I would totally be his aide if the law would allow it. Not for one moment have I ever felt too burnt out to want someone else to take care of him. I would spend every moment of every day with him forever.

I'm trying really I am.

As for the IEP. The goals they have for him are set WAY to high. So I have requested that all the therapists do full evaluations instead of using the medical based evaluation reports from a therapy center that hasn't even been able to work with him ever. The PT is doing hers on Tue sometime. And a new IEP meeting is going to be in about two weeks so everyone can gather ideas, including ME!!!

I will not let them jerk me around but I also have to work on trusting them, I said I'm trying lol

I love him so much.

Caradie and Corbin

School update

The principal, the special ed teacher and myself had a meeting today. I do feel a lot better about things but there still are some things I need to share with them about Corb before I will leave him in their care all alone and although I don't think they don't have training, they don't know Corb and his needs and feelings. I will not back down from them learning him partially through me first. Of course they will have to learn lots of things about him without me but some things are just to important for them to have to guess. He has feelings that no one else knows until I tell them.

I love my baby bear with all my heart, I don't ever want him to be scared.

Example= One thing that I have always worried about happening, happened today. While the teacher and aides were getting the other kids into the other room, Corb sat in his room all alone (except me) for about 10 - 15 mins. He would have been crying by the time they came back for him because he even started to whine with me right there.

I'm trying I really am.

Love love LOVE the PT. She's so sweat and totally understands my feelings about getting to know him through me. I'm not saying the others aren't too but she's just got this great personality. She did make Corb cry his first day though LOL she stood up from a computer chair and it popped up and scared Corb BADLY, he cried and cried.

Caradie and Corbin

Wednesday, September 2, 2009


So far I hate everything about his school.

Caradie and Corbin

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

1st day of school

Today's the day!

I've only cried a little this week (ok well a lot). I know this is whats best for him but I have never been away from him EVER. I'm staying with him for the first couple of weeks and I'm going to volunteer as much as I can but this is still such a HUGE step.

The year before when he was in preschool I was taking pictures and video of him at school and I got a letter stating I had to remove everything from on-line so I will see what I can and can not video. I will be very disappointed if they won't let me video at all. As you all know this website is my way of sharing him with the whole world and it has helped me emotionally too so I really hope they will have some way for me to be able to video somethings.

Caradie and Corbin