People say oh he's safe at school no one will hurt him, all kids have to go to school, you need time for your self or get over it and others say they understand but how can someone else understand when I'm not sure I understand.
I know my love for Corb has always been so deep and so strong. It's just I have longed for someone to help me fix him and after 2 years of begging for therapy, he finally gets it but it's somewhere I can't be. I'm going to miss everything. He's going to learn and grow and be so amazing and I don't get to witness it. Some say well that happens with all children and moms when they start kindergarten but those children have already been able to learn the basics. The moms got to share that whole time. Corb still has to start at the beginning and for the past 4 years I have tried to get him as far as I could but darn it I'm only one person. I just wanted help with him, not for someone else to do it all. This is just so hard. I want to spend every moment with him but I can't. I just so want him to get better and I even know he will but it's just so unfair it took until now for it to happen and I don't get to be there.
It's just so unfair.
I love you baby boy.
Something else to maybe help people understand me better and not judge. I have been diagnosed with PTSD since I was young. I witnessed and received a lot of abuse when I was a child and then my baby choked to death in my arms.
I have been having may flashbacks, especially since school started. And other little things happen like I had to run to the store on Wednesday and I went to kiss my Corbie bye, like I always do before I leave and I forgot he wasn't there. I cried and cried. Thankfully Bill was here. He has been really good about this.
I'm trying really I am